UPDATE ON NSA IPO

I’m sorry that I was not able to file a report last week, but my informant felt it was an inopportune time to communicate with me directly. A new communications link had to be developed, which is now in place. First I want to report on the old news.

After my first report, there was a second meeting, attended by Clapper and Jack Lew, as well as Biden and Obama. At the conference, Obama received a telephone call revealing that the first conference had been bugged. He accused Lew of causing the leak, and almost punched a hole in the wall. Obama told Clapper that he’d lost all confidence in his ability to secure the nation because this information had gotten out, even if it was only being reported by a “scurrilous blogger.” Then Obama said that everyone at the meeting would be asked to take a lie detector test. At this point, Biden started screaming, “This secrecy stuff has gone too far! What’s going on here? Are we all crazy?” That meeting, which occurred more than ten days ago, ended with no consensus, and because of the previous breach of secrecy and the sensitivity of the issue, the subject was postponed. A meeting was scheduled for this week, but it was apparently cancelled.

Meanwhile, in a series of handwritten notes that were passed around, it was suggested that Jamie Dimon may be called in to help with the spin-off. Although he is aware of the position, he has not yet relayed his decision on helping with the IPO.

Meeting together this week, Biden and Clapper seemed to reconcile. However, things got raw when Biden suggested to Clapper that the NSA develop an Etch A Sketch with a keyboard so that notes could be passed around and then destroyed. When Biden said that, Clapper took a quick glance at Biden, showing contempt beneath a wan smile. Biden replied, “Well, I was just saying…” and then trailed off.

In a report commissioned by Obama, analysts of diplomatic and governmental relations warned Obama that if the NSA, once spun off, provided information about foreign residents to third parties, the U.S. government and information companies domiciled in the United States might feel international pressure. This could spread into a “general revolt” by the international community. They warned that it could include pressure on the dollar and the beginning of a circle of sanctions against U.S. interests. This would probably force the issue, and leave the English-speaking countries—England, Australia, and the United States—facing sanctions by the rest of the world.

Still, there has been pressure among an oblique but seemingly powerful community of billionaires and global players for the United States to go ahead with this spin-off. They think that it will become extremely popular among the American people because it will virtually eliminate middle- and lower-class debt and stimulate the American economy in ways that cannot even be estimated. It is not clear whether international geopolitics has been considered by members of this shadowy group.

Why aren’t the other sites reporting this? Have they been intimated?

You read it here first.

Comments
5 Responses to “UPDATE ON NSA IPO”
  1. billy says:

    eddie – should have used bookie/flash paper to communicate that’s what the east germans did before …….ya know…..the big guy flipped, ha you think I don’t know about upstate ny

    too much white at the white house everybody’s paranoid now and getting worse while the south americans are chillin and having fun

  2. mexweed says:

    Thanks for reminding us of the political landscrape, although I think you go a bit astray here with past-tense narrateorrhea, even if funny satire about existing suited pols, what’s needed is present/future-tense fiction alias confection in the form of “how-to guides” concerning First-Amendment-protected activities which, after readers enact them, will get de facto legalization and mainstreaming of cannabis.

    a. Brownspliffage: ride bike at night with dibblestick and sack of “spliffs” consisting of potting soil and potseed rolled up in a brown paper napkin or towel. Make hole among roots of disregarded bush or hedgerow, stand spliff therein, where it will get storm protection, shade, waterdrippage, and grow to seed proliferating industrial hemp everywhere in following year; then ride 200 yards and plant another one etc.

    b. Study wikiHow.com article, “Make Smoke Pipes from Everyday Objects”, first two segments on long-stemmed one-hitters, and open a One-Hit Head Shop dedicated to totally replacing the H-ot B-urning O-verdose M-onoxide joint with Harm Reduction Reform Equipment (one-hitters and vaporizers).

    c. Ride bike at night, glue millions of small posters OVER ALREADY POSted (EVEN IF ILLEGAL) posters (not on virgin space which may be watched and someone will tear/scrape yours off), showing a guy in dreadlocks toking off a Jamaican CHOOM-style long-stemmed one-hitter, with slogan: “More Marley, Less Monoxide”. Emphasize places near a bus stop where readers are looking for something to read, then ride another block and post the next one etc.

    Thanks, Ed, for so much, including having the name Rose in your name (“A rose is a rose is a rose on the third day will smell as sweet as Cannabis sativa”).

  3. Jo Galbreath says:

    What’s happening with cannabis investing? Cannabis business? Ed – you started growing pot to help out a girlfriend who suffered from cramps. I have a topical medication that treats hot flashes. I can’t get it sold in dispensaries because hot flashes are a “women’s thing”! It also helps with minor body pains and will smooth curly hair! Not that it matters. Know any investors interested in taking a cannabidiol product to mass market?

  4. Hmmm that’s interesting that they revealed that the first call had been bugged, I wonder what exactly that implies?

  5. I feel that Obama could definitely do a better job of handling these types of situations. It will be very interesting to see what the final outcome of all this is…

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